Even darkness must pass.

falls over

falls over again

no i cant lol ive been like. touching grass. well i guess not really touching grass i just simply havent been on social media much besides reblogging stuff on tumblr. been making art... livin in my cave......... talking about samfrodo on discord.... we r chilling

Apparently running the whether or no (samfrodo) zine wasn't enough, I feel the need to start another one! This one is a Sam/Frodo first kiss zine! if any of y'all on my page are interested in joining in on it heres a link to the sign up form! :)

Off to work!! Well almost. in like 10 minutes anyway. I gotta go and get dressed, im just feeling a bit lazy ! I don't really want to go :') Ah well!

My cat Libby is very lovingly meowing at me a bunch this morning, and its cooold. At least I'm working with some folks I rather like! Hopefully today will go by well.

I drew this Frodo yesterday ! He's wearing a Miss Point OP ! I've been... considering getting back into lolita. Kinda tough for a little fat guy such as myself but we stay silly!

I survived my long work shift the other day!! Now ive been getting up really early ever since but honestly it is... nice. Is it weird to be a morning person who hates being a morning person? All of my friends are up at night, its just a lot of trouble for me and my social life! Its great for wanting to do some crafting in the early morning though. I'm currently working on a cross stitch just for a bit of fun! I spent a while looking at the internet archives of old pattern books, and I found this pattern from 1604:

Cute, right? I'm currently making it in a nice shade of green! :) It really makes me feel connected to people before when I make something someone designed a very very long time ago. I think its really sweet and cute! Heres the link to the book i looked through, its really neat! archive.org/details/gri_33125001060827/page/n85/mode/2up

Trying to rack in my head why the hell i need to come into work at 6am for a four hour shift every Friday. Like yes we get a little busy but ?? 4 hours? really? What a waste of time and an early hour to get me up at for no good reason!

But, people at my work keep quitting (good for them!) so this sort of ridiculous scheduling persists. It's so annoying having to go to bed at fucking like. 7pm. Most of my friends are up at night !! it really fucks up my ability to talk to anyone!

As another aside, isn't it annoying when you don't like a member of your own friend group? Like theyre annoying, unfunny, but you just have to deal with it because theyre just... around? And everybody kinda feels bad for them?? Sucks man LOL

Im depressed man I really struggle sometimes with feeling alone and not worth loving so its pretty. bad. I mean im only 23. Ive got plenty of time. I just......... it seems to happen again and again. 20s are rough nobody is really good ever around this age. Maybe its just my period talking but I really cant help this terrible feeling that I'm just going to be alone for a long long time. Its fine anyway.

And it doesnt help that I feel bored and alone a lot of time, even before I blocked twitter off of my computer. It's just eating me up again, and Im not the sort of person who can really fill that void with working. Like I know something is wrong with me right now and I just... sit in bed about it. I guess it makes sense im upset even if I push so hard to say I'm fine. Oh well.

On a lighter note I'm playing the sims 4 and really enjoying making Sam/Frodo/Rosie and building Bag End. Maybe I just need to get back into the sims LOL.

Thats all.

I love love

Im going to the social security office......... Sam and Frodo....... bitches... help !!!!!!

I really dont want to go LOL my local office is super annoying and doesnt allow for appointments still, doesnt let me have water while im there, AND its this super packed little room they make you wait in. Like buds if youre worried about covid safety... how is this better?

Really hoping it wont be as slammed today as it was when i tried to go on tuesday. I really don't want to be waiting in there forever. Ive got stuff to do! Well, not really, I just want to crochet and sit in bed. my period just started this morning so im cranky !!

At least afterwards me and Xan (my brother) are meant to go out to lunch and get some ice cream as well! We're both off today so hopefully we can get up to a bit of fun. Ive been pretty on edge recently with all the goings ons in my life so. Putting the slightly more serious note under the cut:

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Happy birthday Aragorn you smelly man....... love you!!

So... I've figured out my granny squares! What I'm doing instead is a very closely knit version of a classic granny square-- basically I wanted something easy to work up that I'm familiar with so this wouldn't take forever. Doing lace-y crochet and whatnot is easy but i find that trying to do compact creations is where I struggle for some reason. (though I can make a scarf just fine but yk-- who cant lol)

That granny square pattern I was trying just confounded me and as much as I love learning new things, I figured going with something a bit simpler so I can get the blanket done for my brother is better.

Other than that not a terribly eventful day. I worked with a coworker who has some problems with me but I managed, they just gave me the cold shoulder and refused to talk to me the whole day. their whole problem with me is that they were mean to me because they were in a bad mood and i told them that... doing that wasnt okay. Some people really just cannot admit when theyre wrong! I wasnt even mad that they did it, i just wanted to tell them that it had hurt my feelings! Ah well.

After work I did my usual routine of eating lunch, exercising-- then past that point i cleaned my room, did my laundry, then plopped down on the couch and figured out how to make my more dense granny squares. Ive got 2 done so far-- not super impressive but im happy to at least have a plan of action!

Thats all :) Tomorrow I'm cleaning the whole house because... this wednesday.... is LOTR day !!!!